A Letter To My Younger Self on Inner Peace
Reaching oneness within myself
I’m currently sitting on a sarong (known in Samoa as a lava lava) on grass with the sea in front of me. I can’t see any one else and I feel totally alone but totally in connection.
I remember when I was younger and I used to hear people talk about a certain feeling they were able to achieve when they were by themselves. I’d be nodding, but in my head be like, huh? WTF are they talking about?
I can say the first time that I remember feeling this almost orgasmic state was when I went to Bali in 2023. I had a lot of healing to do because I had just gone through a break up.
I began to notice that although I was spending a lot of time by myself, I almost felt like the ocean and mountains were holding me.
I might try sketch out the vision in my head, but I can’t tell you how comforting it felt. It allowed me to feel this blissful state within myself where my whole body feels light and as if there were stars shining inside.
The breath doesn’t feel like it’s being forced. The smell of the sea is the most comforting thing.
At the time, I guess I believed it was my ‘higher power’. That belief in something greater than you provides a sense of relief.
That you are not alone, and that some other entity has your best interest at heart.
And now I find myself right back next to the sea and mountains feeling the same, and I really wanted to write about it whilst I was still feeling it.
I also wanted to reassure I guess my younger self that you’re not broken if you haven’t felt a certain way that others have.
Everyone has their own path and we all reach different milestones at different times. I think it has taken a lot of self-work and I guess sometimes I forgot I’m almost 27. I feel like I’ve been “conscious” for quite a while now. By conscious I mean actively remembering and reflecting on parts of my life.
There are also still times where I hate being alone, and other times I love it. I’ve always fed myself this message that I’m terrible at being alone, when in fact, I’m really not that terrible at it at all. I just get lonely sometimes, and that’s okay, and human.
And this feeling right now, I know it is fleeting. It takes a certain ground base of relaxation to connect to this part of myself.
When I sit in this feeling, my heart feels fully open. It makes me understand how we so easily miscommunicate with each other in this world. I don’t think the different sides of me can communicate with each other very well!! 😂
I don’t know if I will publish this.
Fast forward a week, and I’m gonna publish it fuck it! trying to be more open and honest in my life 😉
Beautifully put 🦋🫶