Conflict. When I’m in it, I don’t mind it. The aftermath, I hate. I cannot stand the discomfort that comes with it and the wondering if I’ve upset someone else, or said the wrong thing.
In a recent conflict, I questioned why my body was having a symptomatic reaction, despite my mind rationally knowing that this was not a relationship that I wanted to fight for. My heart racing, shaking hands, anxiety, and lack of sleep - It’s confusing when your body and mind don’t pair up. But, I usually find that the body is a much more reliable communicator than the mind. The body communicates in a raw, unfiltered way, whilst the mind is layered with years of complexity behind each thought.
I think we all go through this. We say to our friends ‘but, I don’t even care that much, I don’t know why I’m so stressed’.
Then, I saw an amazing post on Instagram that said this:
Trying to control how other people feel is less about their feelings and more about your comfort. (@lifebyalissa)
It was a light bulb moment for me. I realised that the paradox I was experiencing made sense. I always over-empathise and attune to people’s emotions around me, which makes it very difficult to concentrate and believe in myself when I’m standing up for myself.
Everyone is entitled to have their own experience and emotion, no matter how uncomfortable it is for you. If you speak kindly and compassionately, there is nothing more you can do to soften the blow. Because even if you say all the ‘right’ things, people will still be sad.
It is a beautiful thing to be an empathetic person, and I sometimes forget this about myself. There is a reason why people you aren’t that close to open up to you about their deepest secrets, or that you can detect exactly how someone next to you is feeling without them saying a word. It is powerful! But, it is also a powerful feeling that overcomes you during conflict.
Everything comes with a positive and negative. And being a highly sensitive person means that conflict, and other people’s emotions, are at the forefront of your mind. Just thought I’d write this out there for other people who get deeply affected by conflict to let you know you’re not alone, and that it always passes ;)
Despite the stress that comes with conflict, keep speaking up for yourself - resentment is toxic!!!
Quote of the week:
Anything you lose by speaking your truth isn’t a loss, it’s an alignment